Downsizing a parent's home is one of the most emotionally and logistically demanding things adult children face. You're sorting through decades of belongings, making decisions your parent may resist, coordinating with siblings, and trying to hit a deadline, all while managing your own life. This guide walks you through the process step by step, from the first conversation to the last box.
Quick answers
- Start with a clear destination. Know where your parent is moving and what space they'll have before you touch a single box.
- Sort everything into four categories: keep, sell, donate, or toss. Don't make 'maybe' a category. It slows everything down.
- The emotional piece is real: your parent may resist, grieve, or shut down. Build in time for that, and consider bringing in a professional.
- A senior move manager can coordinate the whole process: downsizing, packing, moving, and setup, especially useful for complex situations or long-distance families.
- Budget 4-12 weeks depending on home size, the degree of downsizing, and your parent's pace.
The Downsizing Process: Step by Step
Start with the destination, not the stuff
Get the floor plan of the new space before you touch anything. Measure the significant furniture pieces. Know what the facility allows. Only then can you make rational decisions about what comes along. Trying to downsize without a clear destination creates paralysis.
Have the conversation early
The downsizing conversation is hard. Many parents resist. The home represents independence, identity, and memory. Start the conversation before there's a hard deadline. When there's time, the process can move at the parent's pace. When there's a crisis, it becomes traumatic for everyone.
Sort into four categories only
Keep (what comes to the new space), Sell (items with real resale value), Donate (usable items that won't sell), and Toss (broken, worn out, expired). Do not create a maybe pile. It becomes the whole house. If you can't decide keep vs. donate in one minute, put it in donate.
Tackle rooms in order of emotional weight
Start with low-emotion zones: garage, attic, storage areas, guest rooms, bathrooms. Save the master bedroom and rooms with strong sentimental associations for later. This lets everyone build momentum before hitting the harder material.
Coordinate estate sale, donations, and disposal simultaneously
Once you know what's being sold, donated, and tossed, run all three tracks at once rather than sequentially. Schedule donation pickups. Contact estate sale companies. Arrange junk removal. Doing these simultaneously saves weeks.
When a Parent Resists
Resistance is extremely common. Start by understanding what's underneath it: fear of losing control, grief over leaving the home, or cognitive decline that makes the concept of moving feel abstract. Move slowly if you have time. Frame the process as preserving what matters, not discarding everything. Involve the parent in decisions wherever possible -- don't sort while they're not home unless necessary. If family conversations are triggering conflict, bring in a neutral third party: a senior move manager or social worker can often have conversations family members can't.
The Four-Category Sort in Detail
Keep
What comes to the new space. Be honest about the square footage. Furniture that doesn't fit physically doesn't come. Check sentimental items against available space.
Sell
Items with actual resale value: antiques, jewelry, quality furniture, tools, collectibles, art. These can go to an estate sale, consignment, Facebook Marketplace, or specialty dealers. Don't overestimate what things are worth. Get a real opinion from an estate sale company or appraiser.
Donate
Usable items that won't sell but still have life in them. Clothing, basic kitchenware, books, linens. Habitat for Humanity ReStores take furniture. Local shelters, churches, and social service organizations take household goods. Call ahead. Not everything is accepted.
Toss
Broken, worn out, expired, or worthless items. Old mattresses, broken appliances, expired medications (dispose of properly), stacks of old magazines. Most people underestimate how much of a home's contents fall into this category.
Handling family heirlooms
Let family members claim items they want before anything is sold or donated. Set a deadline and communicate it clearly. Heirlooms that no family member claims should be treated like any other item: sell if there's value, donate if usable, discard if neither.
Timeline Expectations
When to Hire a Professional
Some families can manage downsizing themselves, especially if the parent is cooperative, the family is local, and the home isn't large. But in many cases, professional help is worth every penny.
Hire a senior move manager when:
- Significant downsizing is required (more than 50% of belongings)
- Your parent has dementia or cognitive decline
- Family is long-distance or dynamics are complicated
- You need one person to coordinate everything
- Time is short and you can't take weeks off work
Hire an estate sale company when:
- There are quality sellable items and you want to recoup value
- You don't want to manage individual sales yourself
Hire a junk removal company when:
- You're at the end and just need the remainder gone
- Volume is too high for donation pickups to handle
If you're facing a major downsizing and want professional help, senior move managers are specialists in exactly this situation. They've helped hundreds of families sort, sell, donate, and move. They know how to work with resistant parents and long-distance families. Our directory lists NASMM-member senior move managers by state. Find one near you at /directory/senior-move-managers/.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take to downsize a parent's home?
For a typical 3-bedroom home with moderate downsizing, expect 6-10 weeks from first sort to final cleanout. A large home with significant belongings and a resistant parent can take 12 weeks or more. If you have a hard deadline (facility move-in, home closing), work backward from that date and build in buffer. Things almost always take longer than expected.
My parent refuses to get rid of anything. What do I do?
This is extremely common. Start by understanding what's underneath the resistance: fear of losing control, grief over leaving the home, or cognitive decline that makes the concept of moving feel abstract. Move slowly if you have time. Bring in a neutral third party (senior move manager or social worker) if family conversations are triggering conflict. In crisis situations where a move is urgent, an experienced senior move manager can help work through the process even with a resistant parent.
What should I do with items no one wants?
Donate what's usable. Not all organizations accept everything, so call ahead. Junk removal companies handle the rest. Be realistic: old mattresses, worn-out furniture, outdated electronics, and stacks of magazines have essentially no value and need to be disposed of. Don't let emotional attachment lead you to store things indefinitely in a storage unit. That just delays the inevitable and adds ongoing cost.
Should I sell the furniture or donate it?
It depends on quality. Solid hardwood furniture, antiques, and name-brand pieces can sell well through an estate sale or online marketplaces. Particle-board furniture, worn upholstered pieces, and outdated styles typically don't. Donating or disposing is faster and easier. Get an honest assessment from an estate sale company before assuming anything has significant resale value.