When a parent moves to assisted living, most families are managing a dozen things at once. Nobody handed them a playbook. This is that playbook. It won't cover every family's situation, but it covers the things that actually need to happen: what to do with the house, what to do with the belongings, the financial and legal pieces that can bite you later, and how to make the move itself less brutal.
Quick answers
- Start with the move-in date and work backwards. Most assisted living facilities give 2-6 weeks notice, which is less time than you think.
- The belongings in the house are often the hardest part: sort into keep, family, donate in that order.
- Check the facility's room size early and plan what furniture actually fits before moving day.
- Update legal and financial documents (POA, bank access, mail forwarding). These take time.
- Don't skip the emotional piece: the transition is hard for your parent, and hard for you. That's allowed.
Week 1-2: Immediate Actions After the Decision Is Made
Get the move-in date in writing
This is your anchor. Everything else works backward from here. Without a confirmed date, no other planning can be sequenced.
Request a room layout and measurements
Most facilities will send a floor plan or let you measure. Do this immediately. You need to know what furniture physically fits before making any decisions about what to keep.
Identify who is coordinating what
If you have siblings, assign clear roles now. Who's managing the house? Who's handling the finances? Who's the primary contact with the facility? Ambiguity here causes conflict later.
Ask the facility what they allow
Some assisted living rooms allow a full bedroom set; others are smaller. Many memory care units have restrictions on what can be in the room. Find out before you assume.
The House: What Happens to It
If your parent owns their home, this is often the most complicated piece, both logistically and financially.
If the house will be sold:
- Get a realtor assessment early. You don't have to list immediately, but knowing the home's value affects every other decision (how much to spend on care, whether to sell quickly or hold).
- The house should be cleared out before listing, which means you need a plan for the belongings first.
- A real estate attorney or elder law attorney can help with the legal side if the home is in your parent's name alone or in a trust.
If a family member might keep or rent it:
- This conversation needs to happen explicitly. Not as a vague possibility, but as a real decision with a timeline and terms. 'We'll figure it out later' is how resentment grows.
If the home is rented:
- Check the lease terms for proper notice periods (usually 30-60 days). Breaking a lease early typically costs one to two months' rent.
Don't Leave the House Sitting Empty Too Long
An unoccupied home has costs: utilities, insurance (some policies become void or limited after 30-60 days of vacancy), property taxes, maintenance. The longer it sits, the more you're carrying that expense. Set a clear deadline for when it's cleared out and what happens next.
The Belongings: A Sorting Framework That Actually Works
What fits in the new room and matters to your parent. Prioritize meaningful, familiar items: the chair they sit in, their favorite photos, their bedside table. A familiar environment reduces disorientation.
Assign specific items to specific people now, with a pickup deadline. If it's not claimed by the deadline, it moves to the next category.
Items with real value (furniture, art, jewelry, collectibles) that can go through an estate sale or consignment.
Furniture, clothes, kitchen items, and household goods that have a second life somewhere else. Habitat for Humanity ReStores take furniture; Vietnam Veterans of America picks up bags of household goods.
What's left. Most people underestimate how much falls here once the other four categories are sorted honestly.
Legal and Financial: The Stuff That Bites You Later
If you don't already have durable POA for finances and healthcare, get it done before cognitive decline makes it harder. An elder law attorney can handle this in a single appointment; expect to pay $300-$800.
If you'll need to pay bills, manage accounts, or access funds on your parent's behalf, get added to accounts now. This is much easier when your parent can do it themselves.
Notify Medicare and any supplement/Part D plans of the address change. Prescriptions need to transfer to the facility pharmacy (or confirm the facility accepts outside pharmacies).
Set up USPS mail forwarding to either the facility or your address. This is how you catch bills, statements, and time-sensitive documents.
Go through bank statements for recurring charges: streaming services, magazine subscriptions, insurance premiums, utilities. Cancel what's no longer needed.
If your parent will need Medicaid to cover care costs, talk to an elder law attorney now. Medicaid has a 5-year lookback on asset transfers. Assisted living averages $4,500-$5,000/month in the US; memory care runs $6,000-$9,000.
Moving Day: Making It Go Smoothly
Plan the new room before moving day. Sketch a floor plan with where furniture goes. Don't figure this out while movers are standing there.
Bring familiar things first. If your parent is arriving on moving day, make sure their most meaningful items (their chair, their photos, their bedside essentials) are in place before they walk in. First impressions of the new space matter for adjustment.
Avoid having too many people involved. Well-meaning family members can create chaos. Designate one or two people to be present for the move-in; others can visit once it's settled.
Give the facility staff context. Introduce yourself, share what your parent likes (their routine, their preferences, what they find calming), and ask about the first few days. Most assisted living staff are experienced with transition anxiety and will appreciate the briefing.
Don't make the goodbye too long on day one. This sounds counterintuitive, but prolonged, tearful goodbyes at the facility tend to increase distress rather than reduce it. A warm, calm goodbye and a promise to call or visit soon is usually better.
The Emotional Reality Nobody Talks About
You're probably managing your own grief about this at the same time you're managing the logistics. That's real and it's allowed.
Most adult children feel a complicated mix: relief (they're safe now), guilt (I should have done more), grief (the parent I knew is changing), and exhaustion. These can all be true at once.
A few things that actually help:
If the logistics of clearing out the house and managing the move are more than your family can handle alone, a senior move manager can take most of it off your plate. Our directory lists verified specialists by state. They handle sorting, packing, coordinating movers, and fully setting up your parent's new room: Find a Senior Move Manager Near You.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take to move a parent to assisted living?
The actual move-in can happen in a single day, but the preparation typically takes 4-8 weeks. That includes sorting and clearing the house, managing the legal and financial pieces, and coordinating logistics. Many families underestimate how long the house-clearing takes, especially with significant accumulation. If you have less than 3 weeks, prioritize ruthlessly and consider getting professional help.
What should I bring to an assisted living room?
Prioritize meaningful, familiar items over practical ones. The facility provides most basics. A favorite chair, photos, bedding they know, a familiar lamp, personal decor. Many families bring a small dresser and nightstand. Get the room dimensions before you move anything. Memory care units sometimes have restrictions on certain items (cords, breakables), so check with the facility first.
Do I have to clear out my parent's house right away?
Not immediately, but sooner than most families plan for. Every month the house sits empty costs money: utilities, insurance, and in some cases mortgage payments or property taxes. If the house will be sold, it needs to be cleared before listing. Most families aim to have the house addressed within 60-90 days of the move-in date. The longer it drags, the harder it gets emotionally.
How do I handle siblings who disagree about the move?
This is genuinely hard and very common. The most useful thing you can do is separate the medical/safety decision from the belongings/asset decisions. They're different conversations. For the medical piece, a geriatric care manager or the parent's doctor can provide an objective assessment that takes the weight off any one sibling. For the financial and property decisions, a mediator or elder law attorney can help facilitate. Decisions made by default (no one steps up) are usually worse than any explicit decision.